Don't Stay There.

Well, I am feeling much better today.

It could be because I drove around for an hour alone listening to Sexyback on repeat (don't judge). 

Or because I have a cold and took Nyquil last night and slept for 10 hours straight. (Thanks to the world's greatest husband & bottle feeding). 

Anyway, I'm feeling better. 

Sorry if my last post was depressing..or just TMI. 

Most people have responded with love, compassion, and have offered to help us in any way they can. 

We cannot say Thank You enough. 

I think the next few months will be filled with lots of extreme highs and extreme lows. But as I was driving around today it hit me, the key to dealing with all of this is to keep moving. 

Don't stay there. 

It also dawned on me that for some reason I thought that I had reached some sort of finish line in life and that I had my fill of hardships so I must be done. 
That's just silly. 
Life is for growing and learning, not for staying still. 

If I just floated through the rest of my life, what would be the point..? 

I realized that I've labeled Samuel. 
I've been treating him differently since he was diagnosed.
AND I have been picking apart his behavior.
Like Aaron said in his post, Samuel is still the same adorable two year old. 
He didn't all of the sudden become Autistic. 

As soon as I realized what I had been doing, I saw him again. 
For the first time in three weeks I saw MY Samuel the way I used to. 
And something amazing did happen, his behavior changed, and we laughed and played all day together. Like we used to. 
We had so much fun today that at one point he walked right up to me, grabbed my face and gave me a kiss. 

I cried again today, but this time of happiness. 
And because I am the luckiest person in the world to be Samuel's mom. 

I'm going to fight for him every step of the way. 

So like I said, not every day is going to be as happy as today. I am going to feel overwhelmed and scared and sad, and I am going to have to grieve, but the key is to keep moving. 

I'll allow myself time to be sad or angry, but I will keep moving. I won't just stay still and let my feelings take control of my love for my son. 

Thank you again to those of you that have written me and given us love and support. And not been judgmental. 

I don't need to be told that things could be worse, or to suck it up...or anything like that, but I understand that it is hard to know what to say when someone is in my situation. 

The best news of all is that Aaron and I have decided to save up a little bit of money every month so that we can go on a trip together next summer...just the two of us. It feels so good to have something to look forward to and plan on..besides Samuel's therapy. ;)